I've been to many, many weddings in recent years, both straight and gay, as I'm in that phase of my life when all of my friends (and I!) have been pairing off and tying the knot. Thinking over all those weddings that I've personally attended, there have been themes ranging from a simple colour theme through to the groom being dressed in a hussar's uniform. But you know what? The ones that worked the best weren't the most fashionable, nor the most cleverly executed. No, the most memorable and successful wedding themes really expressed the couple.

An example of a wedding theme that worked

Let me give you an example (this is for a straight couple but bear with me). Two friends of mine were getting married, she was from a Hindu Gujurati background, he was from a Christian background, but neither of them came from strongly practising religious families. They decided to have two weddings, one was a Hindu Gujurati ceremony which I think was one of the best weddings I've ever been to, and the second was a civil ceremony.

What about the theme? They came up with a picture that ran as a motif throughout both; a little oil lamp on the one side, a candle on the other, with the smoke winding up from both of them entwining in the middle – a beautifully expressed metaphor for the union of their different backgrounds and families. The motif was in a deep red on a cream background, and the bride's sari at the first ceremony was the same colour, with her wedding dress for the civil ceremony being cream with a red accent. Every little detail throughout both weddings picked up on this theme of the two symbols and the red and cream colour. At the civil ceremony there was an ice sculpture of the motif at the centre of the evening buffet.

Why did that wedding theme work? Because it was meaningful, simple and beautifully expressed.

Don't be tempted to have a wild wedding theme for the sake of it

I've spoken to many gay couples planning their weddings and something several said was that they almost felt pressured to have something bold and grand, a bit like a Mardi Gras theme, and were stressed because it wasn't them. I had a conversation like this at a gay wedding fayre a couple of years ago next to a giant pink swan-shaped carriage. Very 'Big Gay Al' but not for all gay couples – and that is absolutely fine! If you are flamboyant and larger than life all the time (several of my friends are!) then having a flamboyant and larger than life wedding theme would fit – in fact, your friends might feel a bit worried if your wedding day was straight laced and conservative! But if you are normally quiet and unassuming, turning up in a giant pink swan would make you feel awkward and make the wedding theme seem like a play in which you'd been poorly cast.

The wedding theme should express you as a couple

If you both have a favourite colour, then use that as your colour motif. If both of you have a common interest or hobby, maybe that could inform your theme – and that is exactly the kind of wedding theme that your guests will love, because it will make them think of you.

Perhaps you have a funny story about how you met, or a place that's special to you. That could form the wedding theme's focus – all you need to do is find a simple idea to build a theme around – once you have that in place, then the rest is easy; it's just a matter of picking things to match.

It may be that you see a wedding invitation design that inspires you, it could be a favourite film that you both share or a love of a particular historical era. These could create a theme ranging from the subtle use of a vintage motif right through to influencing what you wear, such as vintage wedding outfits.

This is what choosing a wedding theme boils down to:

•    Choose something that you both genuinely love as the initial focus for your theme, something as simple as a colour, or a hobby, a favourite era etc
•    A very simple idea can grow into a theme echoed throughout the wedding
•    Don't be tempted away from your genuine preferences by trends and fashion fads
•    Have a theme as grand or as subtle as you feel comfortable to be

Remember; it's your day.

If there is still something you're worried about regarding wedding themes that I haven't covered here, simply leave a note in the comments below.

As the wedding guests arrive:

Air on a G String (Bach)
Chanson de Matin (Elgar)
Salut d'Amour (Elgar)
Canon (Pachelbel)

Music for the procession down the aisle:

Bridal March from Lohengrin (Wagner)
Prince of Denmark's March (Clarke)
Arrival of the Queen of Sheba (Handel)
Trumpet Tune (Purcell)

Music for the recession down the aisle:

Wedding March from A Midsummer Night's Dream (Mendelssohn)
Overture from Fireworks Music (Handel)
Hornpipe from Water Music (Handel)
Prelude in C (Bach)
Theme from Pomp and Circumstance March (Elgar)

Signing of the register:

Panis Angelicus (Franck)
Laudate Dominum (Mozart)
Brother James' Air (MacBeth Bain)
A Gaelic Blessing (Rutter)

Here's what to put in (delete as appropriate of course!):

Spare tights
Face powder
Hair grips
Tissues
Tampax
Headache tablets
Clear nail varnish (in case the spare tights ladder too!)
Plasters
Nail file
Inhaler if you're asthmatic
Mini needle and thread kit
Safety pins
Hairbrush / comb

You might end up needing a small bag, ask a trustworthy attendant to make sure it is at hand for when you might need it. Hopefully if it's anything like umbrellas and rain, if you have it, you won't need it!

Don’t be offended if the first person you ask declines your invitation, it’s a lot to ask of someone, especially if that person dislikes being in the limelight.

How much you involve people in your wedding planning is up to you, not them!

The extent to which you involve family and loved ones in your wedding planning depends on your relationship with them, and how much they support your relationship and decision to formalise your partnership. Generally people love to help, but if you are worried that they will interfere or take over, think hard before you ask them to do something.

On the other hand, giving particular tasks to those eager to join in can take the pressure off you, but be sure to give clear instructions if it’s something you care a great deal about. If you don’t already have it, the lead up to the wedding will hone your ability to delegate!

Choosing the right gay-friendly wedding professionals

Choosing the right professionals is even more important. The Gay Wedding Organizer e-book has been created to help you ensure you have thought about everything before making final decisions, but also most importantly, only contains suppliers that are proud to be gay-friendly. Don’t be afraid to take a little time after meeting a supplier to make your choice if you need to, but when you are certain, book as soon as you can, especially if it’s to be a summer wedding – your favourite florist may already be taking bookings eighteen months in advance.

The more you tell your wedding suppliers, the more they know about what you want, and they will have all kinds of advice from their extensive experience. With the best suppliers, it becomes a sort of partnership – they can understand and share your vision of what you want, and do all they can to provide it – but only if you tell them!

Wedding budgets can be helped by creativity

Creativity can go a long way in getting everything you want. Setting up a dedicated savings account can help, with a regular portion of your income set aside to go straight into it, and if you start planning a good 18 months in advance, that monthly saving can add up. Perhaps you have a skill that can save a bit of money, or friends that can help.

One way to get everything you want may be to ask for the flowers or transport or any other element as your wedding present, something to consider if you already have most of the things that would be on a wedding list.

The wedding budget should reflect what you want the most

It may just come down to prioritisation; if the way you arrive is more important to you than the cake, it makes sense to spend more money on a stylish car and choose a simple cake. Whatever happens, don't let yourself be swayed into paying for something that you don't really want, just because people say you "must" have it.

Decide upon your wedding theme as early as possible

Deciding on a theme for your wedding early on makes the rest of the wedding planning easier as it will influence lots of the little decisions as well as the big ones.

The wedding theme can be subtle, such as a colour or motif featured in the invitations and repeated through details in the dresses, flowers, place cards, décor etc. Or it can be dramatic, such as a historical theme and encouraging the guests to arrive in period costume. Historical themes can be as simple as choosing a venue from a particular period (e.g. Art Deco) and then using that period to inform your style choices.

Either way, if the wedding theme is taken from something you love, it makes the planning more fun.

Before any wedding planning can start you have to decide between two options: a civil partnership ceremony in a licensed venue or a ceremony in a register office. Once this decision has been made, you can then set the wedding date.

Setting the date of your wedding

The availability of your chosen register office, ceremony or reception venue will obviously have an impact on your date, so it's a good idea to make enquiries before making a final decision.

If you want to have your wedding on a summer Saturday, you may have to book your ceremony and reception venues a year in advance – some of the most popular places need to be booked up to two years in advance! If you decide on a Sunday, weekday or winter wedding you may have fewer problems with booking ahead. On days other than Saturday, many wedding suppliers offer discounts. However, this may mean that your guests will have to take time off work to attend so they will need as much advance notice as possible.

We collect advice and tips in nice bitsize chunks for you here, and if you have any to add, then please do share in the comments or drop us a line through the contact page, we'd love to hear from you!