Don’t be offended if the first person you ask declines your invitation, it’s a lot to ask of someone, especially if that person dislikes being in the limelight.

How much you involve people in your wedding planning is up to you, not them!

The extent to which you involve family and loved ones in your wedding planning depends on your relationship with them, and how much they support your relationship and decision to formalise your partnership. Generally people love to help, but if you are worried that they will interfere or take over, think hard before you ask them to do something.

On the other hand, giving particular tasks to those eager to join in can take the pressure off you, but be sure to give clear instructions if it’s something you care a great deal about. If you don’t already have it, the lead up to the wedding will hone your ability to delegate!

Choosing the right gay-friendly wedding professionals

Choosing the right professionals is even more important. The Gay Wedding Organizer e-book has been created to help you ensure you have thought about everything before making final decisions, but also most importantly, only contains suppliers that are proud to be gay-friendly. Don’t be afraid to take a little time after meeting a supplier to make your choice if you need to, but when you are certain, book as soon as you can, especially if it’s to be a summer wedding – your favourite florist may already be taking bookings eighteen months in advance.

The more you tell your wedding suppliers, the more they know about what you want, and they will have all kinds of advice from their extensive experience. With the best suppliers, it becomes a sort of partnership – they can understand and share your vision of what you want, and do all they can to provide it – but only if you tell them!

Dear Emma,
I have been asked to be a best woman at a male gay wedding. I am at a loss to what to say or what is the best way to go about it. I don't know what my duties are as I don't know if I am a best man or best maid, if you know what I mean… any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,

J

Dear J,
I can understand that this may seem a bit daunting, but there is a simple solution; ask the couple! Arrange a time to go over to their place, have a cup of tea and ask them what they'd like you to do. I would imagine that they'll want you to be the equivalent of a best man, in that asking someone to be best woman indicates a high status of attendant, and it's the kind of role that a couple would ask someone to take on.

I would make a list of all of the traditional duties of a best man and a maid of honour and use those as a starting point. It's likely that they'll be depending on you to be an emotional rock during the day, and to make a speech, they may also want you to arrange the stag do. It also depends on the type of wedding they are having. If it's a grand affair, they may need you to fulfil other duties such as taking care of the guests, helping to marshal people for photos etc.

We have information on traditional roles for straight weddings on our sister site. Take a look at: Traditional roles for the best man and traditional roles for the chief bridesmaid.

I hope that helps and that you all have a wonderful day!

Emma