Wedding budgets can be helped by creativity

Creativity can go a long way in getting everything you want. Setting up a dedicated savings account can help, with a regular portion of your income set aside to go straight into it, and if you start planning a good 18 months in advance, that monthly saving can add up. Perhaps you have a skill that can save a bit of money, or friends that can help.

One way to get everything you want may be to ask for the flowers or transport or any other element as your wedding present, something to consider if you already have most of the things that would be on a wedding list.

The wedding budget should reflect what you want the most

It may just come down to prioritisation; if the way you arrive is more important to you than the cake, it makes sense to spend more money on a stylish car and choose a simple cake. Whatever happens, don't let yourself be swayed into paying for something that you don't really want, just because people say you "must" have it.

I have personally spoken to several gay couples who have told me about how poorly they've been treated and I discussed this issue in a recent interview with Gino Meriano. He said:

"I'm so glad you ask that, because there are some people who can't believe that it is needed, but homophobia is still there, even after all these years of civil partnership ceremonies, and it is definitely present in the traditional wedding industry. I've been to straight wedding fayres and exhibited as Pink Weddings, the abuse from exhibitors and visitors was incredible."

Read the full interview here

I'm an optimistic person (on a good day) and I like to think that life for gay people in Britain is getting better. However, a recent conversation with Sharon at Best Dress 2 Impress has brought this back to the forefront of our minds.

Sharon is one of the latest wedding business owners to advertise with The Gay Wedding Organizer, and she told us how several of her customers have experienced poor treatment prior to finding her.

The first thing she told us about was this: "A lesbian couple told me that they went into a bridal shop to look for dresses together and in the end had to 'pretend' that they were a bride and her best friend looking for dresses as the shop assistants made them feel so uncomfortable. They felt embarrassed and left."

This makes me furious – and so upset for the couple involved. Have you had any similar experiences?

Sharon went on to tell us about another incident involving a gay man who wanted to enquire about dresses, but as soon as he opened his mouth the shop assistant said that she didn't serve men.

Sharon said this in an e-mail to me this week and I couldn't agree more: "In my mind this is just outrageous as you shouldn't refuse to serve a person based on colour, creed, gender etc; but this is still happening frequently. Only last week I had a text from a lovely man who had obviously been treated badly and he also wants a dress but explained that he 'understood' if I did not want to deal with him. My response was ' when would you like to visit me and try on a few gowns?'  I'm also helping him with corsets, stockings and a veil!"

All I can say is thank goodness he found Sharon.

We have to do something about this!

I have a plan brewing in my heart, one that will need a lot of input from you, dear readers. First, I want to hear about your experiences – both good and bad. This isn't to name and shame, but to bring your experiences out into the open so we can see what is really happening out there in wedding land.

•    Have you ever been made to feel uncomfortable when approaching a wedding company?

•    Have you ever been treated differently once the supplier has discovered you're arranging a civil partnership ceremony and celebration?

•    Have you had any experiences similar to the ones Sharon told me about?

Please do let us know in the comments. This is really important; we have the opportunity to not only talk about it, but also tell the industry what needs to change. Let's make that happen.

I've been to many, many weddings in recent years, both straight and gay, as I'm in that phase of my life when all of my friends (and I!) have been pairing off and tying the knot. Thinking over all those weddings that I've personally attended, there have been themes ranging from a simple colour theme through to the groom being dressed in a hussar's uniform. But you know what? The ones that worked the best weren't the most fashionable, nor the most cleverly executed. No, the most memorable and successful wedding themes really expressed the couple.

An example of a wedding theme that worked

Let me give you an example (this is for a straight couple but bear with me). Two friends of mine were getting married, she was from a Hindu Gujurati background, he was from a Christian background, but neither of them came from strongly practising religious families. They decided to have two weddings, one was a Hindu Gujurati ceremony which I think was one of the best weddings I've ever been to, and the second was a civil ceremony.

What about the theme? They came up with a picture that ran as a motif throughout both; a little oil lamp on the one side, a candle on the other, with the smoke winding up from both of them entwining in the middle – a beautifully expressed metaphor for the union of their different backgrounds and families. The motif was in a deep red on a cream background, and the bride's sari at the first ceremony was the same colour, with her wedding dress for the civil ceremony being cream with a red accent. Every little detail throughout both weddings picked up on this theme of the two symbols and the red and cream colour. At the civil ceremony there was an ice sculpture of the motif at the centre of the evening buffet.

Why did that wedding theme work? Because it was meaningful, simple and beautifully expressed.

Don't be tempted to have a wild wedding theme for the sake of it

I've spoken to many gay couples planning their weddings and something several said was that they almost felt pressured to have something bold and grand, a bit like a Mardi Gras theme, and were stressed because it wasn't them. I had a conversation like this at a gay wedding fayre a couple of years ago next to a giant pink swan-shaped carriage. Very 'Big Gay Al' but not for all gay couples – and that is absolutely fine! If you are flamboyant and larger than life all the time (several of my friends are!) then having a flamboyant and larger than life wedding theme would fit – in fact, your friends might feel a bit worried if your wedding day was straight laced and conservative! But if you are normally quiet and unassuming, turning up in a giant pink swan would make you feel awkward and make the wedding theme seem like a play in which you'd been poorly cast.

The wedding theme should express you as a couple

If you both have a favourite colour, then use that as your colour motif. If both of you have a common interest or hobby, maybe that could inform your theme – and that is exactly the kind of wedding theme that your guests will love, because it will make them think of you.

Perhaps you have a funny story about how you met, or a place that's special to you. That could form the wedding theme's focus – all you need to do is find a simple idea to build a theme around – once you have that in place, then the rest is easy; it's just a matter of picking things to match.

It may be that you see a wedding invitation design that inspires you, it could be a favourite film that you both share or a love of a particular historical era. These could create a theme ranging from the subtle use of a vintage motif right through to influencing what you wear, such as vintage wedding outfits.

This is what choosing a wedding theme boils down to:

•    Choose something that you both genuinely love as the initial focus for your theme, something as simple as a colour, or a hobby, a favourite era etc
•    A very simple idea can grow into a theme echoed throughout the wedding
•    Don't be tempted away from your genuine preferences by trends and fashion fads
•    Have a theme as grand or as subtle as you feel comfortable to be

Remember; it's your day.

If there is still something you're worried about regarding wedding themes that I haven't covered here, simply leave a note in the comments below.

Wedding budgets can be helped by creativity

Creativity can go a long way in getting everything you want. Setting up a dedicated savings account can help, with a regular portion of your income set aside to go straight into it, and if you start planning a good 18 months in advance, that monthly saving can add up. Perhaps you have a skill that can save a bit of money, or friends that can help.

One way to get everything you want may be to ask for the flowers or transport or any other element as your wedding present, something to consider if you already have most of the things that would be on a wedding list.

The wedding budget should reflect what you want the most

It may just come down to prioritisation; if the way you arrive is more important to you than the cake, it makes sense to spend more money on a stylish car and choose a simple cake. Whatever happens, don't let yourself be swayed into paying for something that you don't really want, just because people say you "must" have it.

As if organising a wedding wasn't stressful enough, many gay couples find a whole extra layer of difficulties added to the civil partnership planning process.

Sometimes it's a member of the family, or an important friend of the family, who is struggling with the concept of gay marriage and is causing ructions. Sometimes simply the announcement of the engagement has caused a rift and there are arguments about who will be attending and who won't.

We have spoken to gay couples who are simply overwhelmed by the choice available to them when hundreds of years of tradition aren't dictating their celebrations.

And sometimes it has nothing to do with gay marriage at all. People are people, and people have problems, fears and worries regardless of their sexuality.

Whatever the problem you face, if it has something to do with your civil partnership ceremony and celebrations, we'll endeavour to help. Simply get in touch with us through the contact page and we will turn our minds to it. We will publish the answer in this section of the blog in the hope that it will help other couples too, along with a de-personalised version of your question. We will never reveal your name, contact details or any details that would make it possible for anyone to know it's you.

Something on your mind? Let us know…

Okay, so the last one is a bit silly, but what I'm trying to get at is that there is an entire wealth of traditions and hundreds of years of marriage ceremonies to draw upon.

When I have spoken to gay couples, many have said they are a bit bamboozled when thinking about the kind of wedding they want. I remember speaking to one lady who said "it's not like we can just do what everyone else does, like straight couples can."

I nearly fell off my chair when I heard that – it was so contrary to the way I see it. For me, a gay couple has an entire world of wedding traditions to pick and choose from, and reject entirely if they so wish. If you want to be 'given away' by a parent, or best friend, or family friend, then why not? If you want to have a best man AND a best woman, why not? If you want to have a very traditional styled ceremony in a grand civil venue, why not?

Just because those traditions and rituals were developed for straight marriage, it doesn't mean that they can't be drawn upon for a gay wedding. After all, union and love underpin many of them, and that's what this is all about.

The world of weddings is your oyster, a veritable feast of ideas and traditions for you to peruse and pick the ones which are right for you and your civil partnership ceremony, and that is exactly what this section is about. You'll find information about worldwide traditions and what other people have done too, all with the aim of inspiring you in the planning of your ceremony.