Dear Emma,
I have been asked to be a best woman at a male gay wedding. I am at a loss to what to say or what is the best way to go about it. I don't know what my duties are as I don't know if I am a best man or best maid, if you know what I mean… any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,

J

Dear J,
I can understand that this may seem a bit daunting, but there is a simple solution; ask the couple! Arrange a time to go over to their place, have a cup of tea and ask them what they'd like you to do. I would imagine that they'll want you to be the equivalent of a best man, in that asking someone to be best woman indicates a high status of attendant, and it's the kind of role that a couple would ask someone to take on.

I would make a list of all of the traditional duties of a best man and a maid of honour and use those as a starting point. It's likely that they'll be depending on you to be an emotional rock during the day, and to make a speech, they may also want you to arrange the stag do. It also depends on the type of wedding they are having. If it's a grand affair, they may need you to fulfil other duties such as taking care of the guests, helping to marshal people for photos etc.

We have information on traditional roles for straight weddings on our sister site. Take a look at: Traditional roles for the best man and traditional roles for the chief bridesmaid.

I hope that helps and that you all have a wonderful day!

Emma